Goodbye for now

My grandmother was an inspiration, great friend and source of continual love and laughs. I gave an eulogy at her funeral in late 2019, on behalf of my cousins.

Nanna was an eternal optimist, fiercely loyal, staunchly independent who could stand her ground and state her mind with dignity and grace.

She loved her family deeply, wholly and with every fibre of her being.

Nanna was the most exceptional cook. And she did a lot of it. When you piled around for dinner and gnocchi was on the menu, it was like winning the lottery. Those mouth-watering, soft dissolving clouds of delight were the best thing to eat – ever. Combined with home-made passata and freshly shaved Parmesan – amazing. When she had the whole family around, in the early days, when us 13 grandchildren were young, she’d spread out a large chequered linen tablecloth and make gnocchi for us all, there were rows and rows of it.

But anything she cooked was divine, lamb chops, the cure-all chicken soup and googie eggs for breakfast – all with a good handful of salt.

Much has been made of Nonno’s achievements, but he didn’t do it alone.  

Nanna’s loyalty, faith and love enabled Nonno to accomplish many great things. This partnership of two people’s lives, so firmly intertwined, was the fuel for the fire that inspired so much. Nanna is inseparable from what is often heralded as Nonno’s achievements, his-story is so definitely also her-story.

Nanna loved nature, getting into the bush, going to the mountains, and if she’d been anywhere recently, she’d tell you all about the plants she’d just seen. In another life perhaps she would have been a horticulturalist like our Mark.

When you stayed over, her beds at the firmest sheets, with two extra blankets – just in case – and in the morning, while she was opening up the blinds, she’d always sing, ‘Oh what a beautiful morning, Oh what a beautiful day,’ even if it was pouring with rain.

She didn’t like Nonno in her kitchen telling her what to do. And they used to have rows about where to plant the flowers in the garden.

She went back to Italy after about 40 years.

She loved the trip they took with her brother Peter and sister in law Joyce, when they hired a combi van and travelled around Europe together in the 60s.

She was a terrific seamstress, first making Pauline and Maria’s clothes, then knitting for the grandchildren, and then mending countless knee patches and hems. And she had the most fabulous button jar.

She’d line up the girls, Natalie, Loretta, Catherine, Angela, Karinna, me and Elizabeth and with warm olive oil she’d brush our hair, then wrap up our heads in towels and send us to bed.

She told us not to run off and marry the first man or woman we met, but  to take our time, that we didn’t need a partner to make us complete or happy, but that when we did find the right one, that love would set us free.    

She said if you had clean clothes that fit you properly, you’d always look smart. She told us, never to lose respect for ourselves, and never give anyone else cause to lose respect for us.

She was humble and not fussy. Nonno would have showered her with jewels and jewellery if she wanted it, but it wasn’t her, she wore little make-up, wasn’t vain and like to be natural.

Natural was a favoured word. It’s all natural she’d say, now eat!

For goodness sake was another.

For goodness sake, don’t leave that last chop there.

For goodness sake, go travel and see the world, life is for living.

For goodness sake, why are you leaving, you just got here.

She loved a good laugh. And she was funny. We have so many memories of the funniest conversations around that table at Bossley Park, or on the phone, where we’d find the funny side of what was going on, and laugh so hard, tears streaming down our faces.

Nanna was a woman of deep faith who loved God and found enormous comfort in her truth.

She was always on our side – her love and conviction for who we all are and what we can do as individuals has always been a powerful gift in our pocket. Angela said in the tribute this week, thank you for recognising us and loving us all unconditionally as individuals, and that is exactly what she did.

She’d always wanted to know what was going on, in the world and in our lives. They did computer classes in the late 90s and one day she asked me what was the three www’s that keep coming up on the TV.

She was well read. She’d favour a romantic adventure story, her readers’ digests but always came back to her bible.

I truly believe, that except for the thing about where to put the flowers in the garden, and an incident once about how carrots should be chopped, she was in love every day of her 60-year marriage.

Their secret? Learning something new about each other every day. And utter respect for their individual contributions.

Our Nanna was a strong, resilient, intelligent and not easily moved off a point of view.

She loved life so much.

When Nonno died in 2006, she was ragged from looking after him and we wondered how’d cope without him.

But through her grief, she found her resolve and a determination to ‘not be a burden’ as she’d say, and worked hard at ‘getting herself right’, remaining independent and playing an active role in the family.

Every year the whole family gets together on her birthday, 16 December to celebrate her and Christmas. She’d come armed with gifts for her now 25 great grandchildren and apologies she didn’t buy everyone else presents, as she just can’t get out as much these days.

Each of her 13 grandchildren have all become parents now, and I know that seeing your baby in her arms for the first time was a personal highlight for us all.

Her heart grew whenever another joined the family.

She loved us all, and we love her.

Nanna taught us all about life, to be patient and to let things happen the way they are meant to, to be true, to be good, to be generous, to be open and to be loving.

She inspired this amazing tribe of people who will forever have each other. She has given us all so much. She was the anchor of our family, her home our safe harbour and her life the greatest blessing to all who knew and loved her.

We thank her for just being her, for the person she was, for the great grandmother, grandmother and mother she was.

Thank you, Nanna, for all you did, all you gave and all you were.

You will live on in our hearts forever.

And Nanna, for goodness sake, go and give Nonno and Catherine a hug for us.